+ A NOTE ABOUT SPOILERS AND MY OPINIONS

I never want my reviews to detract from anyone's ability to enjoy something. Of course that is, I suppose, the risk I run by writing honestly what I think about everything I consume. Remember that it's just my opinion. If you like some trash, that's your trash. Own that trash. Eat that trash. Eat it right up with a smile on your face. In order for me to get satisfaction from it, I had to spend an hour calling it trash. Oftentimes in order to illustrate why I think something is high-quality or not, I have to reveal content, thus spoilers. Personally I despise having things spoiled for me, so I tend to read other people's reviews only after I've read, watched, played, or otherwise absorbed something. If you're looking for recommendations because you've come to trust my opinions, that's amazing! Here's what you can do: 1) check the score really quick to get a sense of what I thought about it, 2) read the quotes that appear alongside the text - I've tried to ensure that I don't highlight anything in my review that way if it's a spoiler, 3) read the "spoiler level" note at the top of each review and judge for yourself about whether it's safe to read the whole thing, 4) email me - I might be able to hook you up with a recommendation. Thanks for reading. My goal is for the reviews to be entertaining in their own right, so I hope you enjoy them.

+ REGARDING K-SCORES

My friend Mikey told me they're confusing so I should explain: K-SCORES exist on a scale of 0-100. They are a flawless, unbiased, ranking of everything, for all things can be evaluated fairly on a single linear scale. I needn't explain how I came up with them, and even if I did, you wouldn't have the ability to comprehend the precise calculations that went into each number. Yes, the sci-fi horror film Aliens is exactly as good as the cryptography and WWII novel Cryptonomicon. Yes, the Red Dawn remake and The Purge - those are the same. If you want to understand a K-SCORE completely, invent AI and have your creation research the subject.